Friday, October 31, 2008

AHHH!! I'm a Great Auntie Again!

I know I've posted once today already, but this news is too exciting not to share. My expectant niece, whom I posted about here, had a HEALTHY baby boy early this morning!!

Austin Troy Fuller was 7lbs 9oz and 19 inches! Woo-hoo! God is so GOOD!! For those that didn't go to the link (shame, shame), this was the same baby that the dr's thought was deathly ill at one point and then they thought he other issues another time. (Yes, I know I'm being so eloquent)

But God, who is the Creator and Giver of Life showed everyone who is in control!!

For those that celebrate Reformation Day:

I told Monk that if we had a son born on October 31st, I would have a hard time not naming him something clever like Martin Luther.

Martin Luther Monk. Marty Monk. Okay. So, maybe not.

So, lets all pray for me to have a Thanksgiving baby, okay? Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday and I would LOVE to have a baby on that day. Presumably BEFORE I eat a full meal.

And just maybe, if it's a boy....we'll name him Pilgrim. Pilgrim Monk.

Now that is catchy, my friends.


What? You don't understand that last part? It's simple.

Thank Goodness It's Friday....Because MY HUBBY IS COMING HOME!!! (Emphasis my own, of course!)

I am SO happy that that man's flight will land in approximately 4 hours! Woo-hoo! I need my other better half....the half that makes me happy. And... I need someone else who will change poopy diapers.

There is one word for this week... Whew! And if you don't count that as a word then I'll just say...Exhausting. I had to chuckle (or laugh maniacally) at my 34 week update the other day. It said now was the time for me to preserve my energy and rest. Labor was hard work and I would need all the energy I could get. HA!

Apparently this is referring to new mothers because there in no rest to be had in this household. Especially when one parent is in...oh...let's say...CHICAGO!

It has not been a good week, specifically for pacifiers or feet. Obscure? Yes. But true.

First pacifier was fished from the toilet (hey, that's not as bad as her toothbrush she put in there the next morning) and while sitting in the sink waiting to be sterilized, somehow ended up in the garbage disposal. And then the garbage disposal was turned on. It was mangled, but still reasonably usable. And, we still had one more.

Until Harley decided he needed that pacifier. It too, was mangled yet still usable. So tell me, which paci would you put in your baby's mouth?

The toilet one or the dog chewed one? We did both. Can you tell she's the fifth child?

And then the feet issue. I'll just list what happened.

-Liv acquired various stickers in her feet while playing outside barefooted. (Have I mentioned the temps have crept back to the low 80's?) She did get one that produced about one angstrom of blood and required immediate medical assistance which included Neosporin and a Barbie Band-Aid. Because Barbie makes it all better, don't ya know.

-Hope got her foot caught in between two railroad ties in the backyard. She screamed and Madgirl rescued her, but not before Liv attempted to pull it out with sheer brute force. There was no blood in this incident, but it did require the Momma, a pink blankie and a pacifier. A mangled one.

-I was in the garage the other night trying to find who-knows-what when a relatively large fake fern in a bamboo-ish container fell on my bare foot. (I most certainly did NOT yell anything questionable at this point, either) I heard a popping noise when it happened and was certain I had broken yet, another toe. It swelled, turned a violent shade of blue and purple (a lovely shade of which it remains today) and hurt like the dickens. So much for a pedicure. No blood or Barbie Band-Aids were involved.

And the one that almost required a trip to the emergency room...

-Sis was outside barefooted (have you noticed a family trait here?), when blood curdling screams ensued. I did not budge as blood curdling screams occur often around here (often for naught). Liv came in screaming that Grace (Sis) had a nail stuck "ALL THE WAY" in her foot. This caught my curiosity and I decided I'd better check it out.

Thank goodness My Boy was over and he had picked her and was putting her on the kitchen table (because that is where all meals and surgeries take place in our home). Sure enough there was something, resembling a nail, "ALL THE WAY" in her foot. Just not straight in. It had pierced, long ways, through her top layer of skin (think of when you were a kid and you would put needles through your skin - or was I the only weird one who did that?). It was not, however, a nail. Whew! No emergency room and no tetanus. But this meant Momma was going to perform "surgery"!

It was in fact about a one inch piece of wood that strongly resembled a nail. While The Boy distracted, I tried to pull it out. This was met with loud screams and it was then that I knew it would have to be cut out. I proceeded to sterilize a razor blade and tweezers, grabbed the hydrogen peroxide and found the Purple Teddy for the patient Sis.

Approximately 5 minutes later, with minimal wailing and gnashing of teeth and My Boy assisting as my nurse, the piece of wood was out of her foot. More hydrogen peroxide was applied, as well guessed it! Neosporin and a Barbie Band-Aid.

Upon finishing Band-Aid apply-age, my patient Sis looked at me in awe and said,

"Momma, you are the most amazing person with a pair a tweezers that I have ever known."

And there you have it, folks. I AM amazing. With tweezers. We just won't tell her a razor blade was involved as well, okay?

And that, my friends, was only the highlights of the week.

Now you all know why I so desperately want my husband, my best friend, ANOTHER ADULT, to be home today.

Because, you know, his foot hasn't been injured as of yet.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Whine-ometer Is Going Crazy!

That would be me whining. Oh, the children are too, but that's the status quo around here.

Right now, it's about me.

My Monk is gone and I miss him. I am seriously pathetic when this man is gone. And I have such guilt about that! My friend, Mindi, has endured nearly a year with her husband in Iraq (he's comin' back soon though!) and here I am whining and moping over a week.

And I can't stop! Waaaaaahhh!

I've been nearly catatonic all day long. I've sat on the couch, piddled for way too long on the computer, let the children run amok and various other acts of nothingness.

So excuse me while I fry my brain sunny side up. I'm lost without my other half.

Stupidity At Obedience School and Harley

And I'm not talking about the dogs.

Oh, don't get me wrong. There is certainly a fair share of ignorant canines amongst the group. Oh yes, but if the old story about dogs being like their owners is true, then honestly, these poor pooches don't have a chance. Or is it the other way around?

Either way, some of these people AND their dogs are doomed.

I know what some of you are saying? What the heck were you doing 8 months pregnant at Obedience School with the 100 lb. Beast, anyway, right? Actually, I was asking myself that as well. Oi.

As it would turn out, my wonderful hubby (Monk) had to go on a short business trip to Chicago this week. (Everyone can now sigh the collective, "awwwww".) So, that put me on Beast duty. And kid duty. And losin' my ever lovin' mind duty.

Oh yes, my friends, Monk owes me. Actually, he is suffering enough as it was snowing in Chicago yesterday and he is freezing his bald little head off because he forgot a hat! Ha! But I miss him so much, I'll forget that I had to do Beast duty.

Okay, so I digress.

Anyway, I have to take Harley to Obedience School. Alone. Or so I thought. My totally sweet, real life friend, Keri (who was actually Harley's original owner), went with me.

Oh, the fun we had! Laughing at the stupidity of some of these people, that is. We probably weren't the most mature people there. Ahem. (See, it's the whole owner being like the dog - dog being like the owner thing again -and I wonder why he's a spaz)

But interestingly enough, I've written 4 different posts of what we saw last night and I had to delete them all. Why? Because they just sounded mean. Seriously. I like to poke fun at lots of things (anyone remember Prenatal Yoga?), thus my warped sense of humor. But when I can't even write a post describing the events of the previous evening without sounding mean, then you all have to trust me when I say there was some serious stupidity going on in that training room.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

I will, however, brag on Harley. I'm usually complaining about his misbehavin' ways, but last night? He was awesome! Hands down the smartest dog in the class. Monk had been telling me this for the past 3 weeks, but I couldn't get past the whole, you know...chewing on the couch thing.

Anyway, he was not only smart, but he is a SCHMOOZER, big time! He knew the trainer had treats and let me tell you, that dog can put on a show for a Pup-Peroni treat (And again! Dog like owner, owner-like dog thing. Monk will do anything for some bacon). I have to honestly say, I came away impressed.

So, old Harley has earned a reprieve in my book and will live another day. That is unless he chews any other furniture.

And as for me and Obedience School? Well, I'll just let Monk stick to the dog training and I'll stick to staying home with the children and baking.

If had to keep going, I might have to buy this shirt and wear it.

Monday, October 27, 2008

My Two Great Loves: Carbs and Calories. But Not Necessarily In That Order

As I've mentioned here and here, I like to bake away my sorrows. It's an effective therapy for me and the added bonus is that my family reaps the tasty benefits.

Sometimes though (believe it or not), my baking is not stress related. I just do it to bless my family.

(And to be totally honest, there is just something about kneading dough that fullfills any sort of Little House on the Prairie urges I might be having at that particular moment.)

This weekend I just felt the urge to bake. And so I did. But around here, before one can embark on any baking mission, one must first find a "helper".

Here's my helper. She liked the flour.

Ain't she cute? She liked messin' with the dough too!

Oh, did I forget to tell you? We made Cinnamon Rolls. I found the recipe here. It was a new one for me and liked it quite a bit. Of course, I tweaked it here there to suit me, but it wouldn't be me if I didn't do a little tweaking. I'm a tweaker.

Before rising and baking.

And here they are AFTER rising and baking. I've never seen carbs and calories look so good.

And then, after making something sweet I decided I really wanted to live dangerously and chose to bake some bread.

I'll be the first to say that bread baking is a fine art. Really. It's not for amateurs. Me? I'm an amateur. But I have found a recipe that's not too hard and even makes me look like I know what I'm doing.

And as usual, I tweaked this recipe too. I had no helper this time either, but amazingly enough, it still turned out.

And that's how I spent my weekend. Making and consuming large amounts of carbs and calories. I know, I know, I am so exciting.

So, what did y'all do this weekend? Surely nothing as exciting a me, huh?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Little Broken Hearted

Why? Well, that would be a really long story. And while I love you people an awful lot, I'm just not willing to put you through that. So, I'll just give you the abridged version.

My Boy is moving out of my house today.

After not having lived with his real dad in 12 years (because he lived 4 1/2 hours away), his dad recently moved back to the area and My Boy is going to live with him for his last year and a half of high school.

He has my blessing and I, probably more than anyone, realize it's something he needs to do for his own peace of mind. Unfortunately, it's just another one of those ugly things that come from divorce, you know?

He will only be about 3 miles away which is just about a 5 minute drive. I know he'll still come over looking for food( which honestly, is about what he does now. :o) ). And I know I'll see him several times a week. And I know he'll call. And I know he'll still tell me I'm the only girl in his life. But...

If I know all of these things, then why does my heart feel like is about to burst from my chest?

Because I love that kid to death, that's why. And the thought of not seeing his crooked, dimpled smile every day just about kills me. Not quite, but just about.

Watching him pack his things from his room tonight was almost too much for me. The last 17 years flashed before my eyes and it seemed as if I watched him grow up in 10 minutes time all over again.

I know that God has given me peace about the whole situation and for that, I am thankful. I also know that this is just another season of my life and "it too shall pass". But if you wouldn't mind saying a little pray for my broken spirit today, I would greatly appreciate it. As we all know (Monk more than anyone, bless his heart), I have an added dose of hormones these days and well....the tears? Let's just say they are swift to fall at the moment (otherwise I wouldn't be locked in the office snotting all over my computer keyboard as I write this!).

Is this how it will feel every time a child leaves the nest?

If so....I'm a goner.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

You Know You're Raising a Bibliophile When...

1. You threaten to take ALL of the books back to the library if they don't stop reading and do what they're told.

2. You have to remind them to physically lay the book down and stop trying to pick up their room while holding the book in one hand.

3. Both #1 and #2 evokes tears in the aforementioned bibliophile

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Whodunnit Solved - Say It Aint So!

In late breaking news, we now have a guilty verdict in the Ballerina Barbie Massacre of 2008.

The polling indicated that Harley the Beast was the single most obvious choice in this horrific act, but the Beast has been cleared of all charges. His alibi was confirmed by several people witnessing that Harley was, in fact, outside wreaking havoc on small children at the time of the brutal attack.

And Livvy the Louse, who placed 2nd in the polling, has also been cleared of all charges. She happened to be one of the small children upon whom the Beast was wreaking havoc.

She may, however, be charged with misdemeanor assault and battery for beating Harley about the head for his havoc wreaking ways.

When questioned about the new charges, she simply replied. "I hate that dog.".

Harley's response was, "Look, a squirrel!".

Gigi the Gray was also interviewed after being released and her response was, "I hate all of you.".

Fat Otis was sacked out in the recliner and declined to comment.

And that, my friends, means that only one suspect remains.

Pepper the Ronni is GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!

She was actually caught in the act and showed no remorse for her wrongdoing. When taken in for questioning, she simply stated,

"Harley made me do it.".

We threw the book at her and sentenced her to a stern talking to and no doggie treats for a whole week.

She's up for parole in 3 days. All Barbies have been put on alert.

Harley, in the meantime, was back in juvey tonight and learned how to lay down.

Yeah, right.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The List of Usual Suspects - Whodunnit

As some of you remember, news broke last Friday of the horrific crime committed at the Monk home. Over the weekend the victim was identified as:

Ballerina Barbie - She was a well-known ballet instructor and mentor to Kelly. Kelly, who is at this time a pre-teen and full of the usual pre-teen angst, is of course devastated and could not be reached for comment.

The Momma Police put together a line up over the weekend and the list of suspects are as follows:

Harley the Beast - A juvenile offender with an extensive rap sheet that includes crimes such as:
- couch chewing
-clothes shredding
-toy mangling
-trash eating
and multiple citations for excessive barking and jumping on strangers.

Color - Chocolate brown
Weight - 101 lbs.
Age - 1 year

Gigi the Gray
- a small time offender with an penchant for chewing cords to electronic devices, specifically iPod varieties. Crimes are:

- chewing multiple ear bud wires (approximately 12 offenses)
- chewing multiple computer cords (approximately 4 offenses)
- knocking over water glasses in the wee hours of the night
- general hatefulness

Color - Gray
Weight - 7 lbs.
Age - 3.5 years

Pepper the Ronni - another small time offender with an addiction to illegal substances. Crimes are:

- trash digging
- ingesting "tootsie rolls" from the cat litter box
- illegal consumption of dirty diapers
- small time bark offender

Color - Black
Weight - 46 lbs
Age - 9 years

Fat Otis the Goat - Also known as: Bloatis, Goatis and Fat Boy. Crimes are:

- Excessive drinking from strangers water glasses
- Attempted drinking of milk from cereal bowls
- gluttony
- general laziness

Color - Black, gray and brown tiger stripe
Weight - Do you really want to know?
Age - 6 years

Livvy the Louse - another big time offender with a long rap sheet. Crimes are:

- torture
- rope fetish
- writing other people's names on walls
- proficient in binding and gagging victims
- general mayhem and disobedience
- multiple noise violations

Color -lovely peach
Weight - 40 lbs
Age - 5 years

Here's the twist in the story. We are asking for the public's help in identifying the perpetrator. We realize this is highly scientific and completely legal, so please, feel free to cast your vote.

Who do YOU think committed this heinous crime?

Friday, October 17, 2008

Crime Scene Investigation - Who Dunnit?

At approximately 11:05 a.m. Wednesday October 15th, 2008, a crime was discovered at the Monk home.

It was gruesome at best and the perpetrator can only be described as hairy and dangerous.

The victim can be described as:

-blonde hair
-blue eyes
-16-19 years of age
- approximately 10 inches in height
-a tattoo in the small of victim's back that reads: 2006 Mattel Made in Indonesia

The victims name has not been released due to notification of next of Ken kin.

WARNING: The following pictures maybe disturbing for young viewers, parental discretion is advised.

Gruesome at best, yet she smiles in death.

We covered the victim's...ahem...nakedness... to preserve what dignity she had left.

The carnage was horrific

This is, in fact, a chalk outline of the victim (or in this instance a flour outline). It is not a bunny rabbit as certain investigators have suggested.

This is an ongoing investigation and the police Momma already has several suspects detained for questioning.

More news to come as details emerge.

Stay tuned for updates.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Food Fare At the Fair and Other Such Nonsense

I'm a little late posting our Texas State Fair pics. Quite frankly, I'm still in recovery mode from all the walking. Actually, I've just been L-A-Z-Y.

And so many pictures to load. Sheesh. The family kind of expects me to, you know, cook and wash and basically take care of them, so this one has taken a bit of time. Sorry for the delay.

It was a fun-filled day, but I must admit; going to the fair with an 8 year old, 5 year old and 1 year old while 31 weeks pregnant is INSANE!!

But I'm good. Really.

Monk is already talking about next year. Next year? That would mean a 9 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old and nursing 10 month old.

Uh, no. Oh wait, that would be uh, ....NOOOOOOO!

Let's not get ahead of ourselves though. Here is a brief look at last week's day of fun...woo-hoo!

Apparently I thought the "school marm" hairdo worked for me. Also, my shirt says, "Expecting" because you know, I wanted to make sure people could figure it out.

The closest Sis will ever come to nature. Milking a plastic cow.

This is what happens in families with too many girls in succession. The daughters have to sit upon John Deere tractors.

You wouldn't believe me if I didn't show you the sign.

Monk's first bite. He was looking for some sort of deep fried bacon serendipity, but was sorely disappointed. On a scale of 1-10, the Chicken Fried Bacon only fared about a 5. A sad, sad day in Monkville.

Tornado Taters. DEE-LISH-US! Not quite a fry and not quite a chip, but somewhere in the middle and Oh - So - Good!!

Monk and the girls holding their golden Fletcher's Corn Dog. Now that's serendipity, baby. My girls were not particularly thrilled with them. Philistines.

Hope was my good child. She loved them.

Deep fried S'more. I bought this for the girls, who normally love s'mores made in our fireplace. They wouldn't touch it. Philistines. Scale of 1-10....7 or 8.

Fire and Ice. That's the fancy name for deep fried pineapple with a cherry sauce and whipped cream flash frozen with liquid nitrogen. The dessert smoked....very cool effect. Best dessert of the day, by far.


Monk, with his usual balance and grace, lost hold of it and most of it ended up on the ground. And all down the front of him. So much so that we had to purchase him a new t-shirt to the tune of $25 bucks! I love the man, but heaven help him with his food spilling ways.

Who knew corn dogs were sleep-aids as well.

The sweetest thangs at the fair!

And what's a fair without cotton candy? You know, cotton candy is truly an oldie, but a goodie.

Anyone for a fixed Midway game or two? I hate Midway games. We only allowed the bigger girls two games each and it about killed me to spend the money one them. One of the biggest rackets of all time.

Oh yeah. Deep fried Peanut Butter, Jelly and Banana Sandwiches. 'Nuf said.

And oh the fun they had on the tea cups. They were the only ones on the ride and the attendant let them ride a little longer. Like to the point to where I thought one, or both, were going to hurl.

Down the slide of the obstacle course.

And here comes number two....uh..let me rephrase comes Liv down the slide.

And quite possibly my favorite picture of the day....

The Aftermath. Hair torn down, dirty knees and sucking on a rock candy stick. Don't give me any grief over the candy. It wasn't flavored or colored, just good old fashioned sugar. We saved the artificially flavored and colored ones for the other kids. Because we are good parents.

And there you have it. It makes me tired just typing about it and looking at the pictures. I'm very glad that the fair comes only once a year.

Our arteries would disown us, otherwise.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Pictures...Because I'm Too Pooped To Post

5 times in 5 hours. 7 times total. That's how many times I was up last night. Between a teething, apparently thirsty baby, my overactive bladder and my oh so aching back, sleep is a thing of the past these days.

I'm leaving for the chiro in a few minutes (somebody give a woot-woot!), I'm giving the little one some serious drugs tonight and I'm not going to drink a single thing after 8 o'clock pm, so maybe...just maybe...I can get 3 hours sleep in a row.

I'm not countin' on it, but it's worth lying to myself to think I'll be getting some sleep.

But in the mean time...

My punkin' on a pumpkin!

Fat Otis, the cat. Man, I love this cat.

The Beast on top of the fort. He figured out how to climb the steps. More obedience school for him tonight. Trust me, I'm not expecting much.

And that concludes the most random post in all of blogdom.

Y'all have a good Monday! State Fair pics coming tomorrow.

Well. Maybe

Thursday, October 09, 2008

31 Weeks and Counting....Frantically

My update informed me that the baby will now be going on a growth spurt in the next several weeks.

In my humble opinion....I think I'm going to explode.

It's been nice knowing y'all.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


All my troubles seemed so far away.

Or Not.

I was so busy that there was not a moments peace all stinkin' day.

Here was the rundown. Or should I say run around? This is long, so hang on.

- 7:40 AM me and the Hopester wake up

- Sit on the couch for 15 minutes with Hope and Liv trying to convince my body to move.

- Fix breakfast and eat. Cereal. The breakfast of champions.

- Start some laundry.

- Call vet to make appointment for The Beast

- Get Hope dressed and ready for the day. Have the girls get dressed and ready.

-Get myself some clothes together and try to get ready. Tell the girls to watch Hope.

- Dress, make-up, hair, etc... Hear Hope crying. Go to check on Hope. Find girls in living room playing on the piano. No Hope. Hear Hope cry out again. Find Hope ON TOP OF girl's bunk beds with Fat Otis the cat. She was crying to for someone to get her.

- Have nervous breakdown that 14 month old can climb ladder to the TOP of bunk beds. Imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios. Shudder and resume getting ready.

- Read Proverbs 7 to girls. Try to avoid the word "prostitute" so I don't have to explain things. End up having to explain what the boy in Proverbs 7 was doing with a married woman anyway. Oh. My. Word.

- Make mental note as to not read Proverbs 7 to girls again until they are 14.

- Try to squeeze in history before having to be at the vet. The history book cannot be found. We skip history.

- Load the girls into Phil the Suburban.

- Come back and get the 100 lb. Beast and attempt to load him into the back of Phil the Suburban. Not a pretty sight. Quite amusing for passersby, I'm sure.

- Get to vet ON TIME!

- Proceed to get The Beast his shots and find out that he doesn't weigh 100 lbs, after all. He weighs 101.

- Vet says Beast needs to lose 10 lbs., I should bring him back monthly for weight checks. I think to myself, "Lady, I have almost 6 kids. You are a crack monkey if you think I'm coming back here monthly to check the dumb dog's weight". Laugh maniacally. In my head, of course.

- Find out that Labs stay "puppies" for up to 3 years.

- Cry uncontrollably.

- Load up and head home, thankful that I have lived to tell the tale of taking 3 children and a 101 lb dog to the vet, while 8 months pregnant, by myself. I am woman, hear me roar.

- Meow.

- Come home and prepare Costco shopping list. Change diaper and wash "the vet" off of everyone's hands and face.

- Monk checks out for lunch and we proceed, with reckless abandon, to Costco to power shop during his lunch hour.

- Eat Costco pizza at warp speed and proceed to power shop for diapers and chicken and milk, oh my.

- Buy pumpkin pie. Because I can. And it's Fall.

- Finish shopping, buy gas ($3.30 per gallon at only a cost of $72.00 to fill up Phil) and head home.

- Arrive home with sleeping baby. Thank God for small blessings.

- Unload groceries and proceed to put them away.

- Do some school work with girls.

- Lay down for a 20 minute nap before having to go and pick up Madgirl.

- 5 minutes in, have to get up and let in barking dog. Lay back down.

- 10 minutes in, awakened by blood curdling screams. Liv has bloody mouth. Seems she and the swing set had a run in. Wet paper towel and all is well. Lay back down.

- Head hits pillow and Hope starts crying. Cry a little myself.

- Take Hope outside to play with girls while I make plans for dinner.

- Go pick up Madgirl.

- Take Hope and Madgirl to Kroger with me to buy some fruit. And caramel apples. With nuts.

- Sister comes over to drop off Madgirl's orchestra dress.

- Check email on computer.

- Liv runs in yelling Grace's hair is caught in chains of swing. Tell Liv to tell Grace to hold on while I get the camera (relax, I was kidding). Monk intervenes.

- Few minutes pass, Liv runs back in and says he needs back up. I look out the back door and laugh. Sure enough, there she stood, hair wrapped in chains and Monk attempting to get it out.

- Laugh and yell at Madgirl to get the camera. Darn, we missed it anyway. Sis was NOT happy with us.

- Watch Hope play while Monk artfully operates the pooper scooper.

- Monk teases girls while they are swinging, threatening to throw the contents of the pooper scooper at them.

- Grace's foot accidentally hits pooper scooper and poop showers descend upon Monk's head.

- Laugh hysterically.

- Begin dinner.

- Feed Hope noodles, carrots and corn while pork chops finish cooking.

- Sweep kitchen floor

- Finish dinner and sit down to eat with 10 minutes before Madgirl has to leave for her orchestra concert.

- Monk drops her off while I get ready.

- Drive to orchestra concert.

- Run into former chiropractor. Awkward chit chat and uncomfortable silence ensues.

- Sit down in comfy seat and sigh. Alone, at last.

- Get very sleepy and begin to have the blasted Braxton Hicks contractions. One or twelve. I lost count.

- Control deep desire to smack the lady and her kid behind me. 10 or 11 year old boy who can't manage to quit tapping his pencil while the orchestra plays.

- Listen to concert, get the Madgirl and go to the bank and then Starbucks ( the Pumpkin Lattes are here!!)

- Go home and begin to wash dishes and clean kitchen from dinner.

- Stop to pay bills online.

- End up writing this never ending blogpost.

And that was my day, y'all. I was pooped. Still am.

So, we're going to have a relaxing day today.

We're going to the Texas State Fair. (whimpering)

Think about me today as I eat all manner of junk. Things like hand dipped Fletcher's Corny Dogs, Tater Twisters, Chicken Fried Bacon (that's for Monk) and deep fried Snicker bars. I'll be walking a lot, so it's all good.

(Just don't tell my midwife, please. I'm supposed to be upping my protein intake. Hey, corn dogs have protein, okay? And the nuts in the deep fried Snicker bar is protein too!)

Y'all have a great day! I know we're going to and hopefully, I'll have some fun pictures to share!

(Not as funny as dog poop showering Monk's head, but good ones nonetheless!)

Monday, October 06, 2008

He's Going to Juvey

Because he's young and in trouble.

He has no moral compass.

And he's gettin' on my doggone nerves!!

How does HE feel about this?

Yeah well, too bad dude! You've been a baaaaaaaad dog this week! And for the last month!

What could he have possibly done, you say?

Hmmmm, let me see:

- He chewed a hole in the corner of my couch.

- He chews on poor Pepper's neck (our 9 year old dog) and pulls her around the kitchen by her tail as if she were his personal play thing. She weighs 50 lbs.

- He has chewed multiple pairs of shoes, toys and half the stuff in our recycle bin DESPITE being given multiple chew toys and rawhides.

- He barks incessantly if he doesn't get his way.

- He tore holes in the back of not one, but TWO, of Grace's dresses this week while she was running in the back yard.

(sidenote here: Monk and I, being the moral and upright parents we are, told Grace that we didn't believe Harley put those holes in her dresses. We told her it was really her own gas that put those holes in the back of her dresses and she was blaming the dog. Sis did NOT find this funny. However, Monk and I found it totally and completely hilarious. We are nothing if not good parents. Sis would disagree.)

And this, my friends, is the short list. Needless to say, Momma has had it.

Oh, don't tell me he's cute. I KNOW he's cute. So are my children, but when they disobey, they receive discipline. The dog gets no special provision just because he has big, floppy, adorable ears.

So, what's next for poor 'ol Harley?

Off to Doggy Juvey he goes. That would be otherwise known as - Obedience School. He and Monk will have 8 weeks of male bonding every Monday evening. The old boy is going to learn to walk the straight and narrow. That would be the dog, not Monk.

8 weeks? What else happens in 8 weeks?

OH, RIGHT! A BABY!! This dog had better learn and he had better learn quick 'cause once them postpartum hormones kick in.....


Ironically enough ...... I think he knows this.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

It 's A Den of Iniquity Really

I've heard many a preacher talk about the sights and sounds of Heaven. Streets of gold, robes of white, glorious mansions, etc... But I've yet to hear one talk about the smells of Heaven.

Can you imagine?

(I certainly hope it's not a floral smell, as those give me significant migraines. Of course, I won't have an aversion to floral smells there because I will be whole and the smell of roses or lavender or lilies won't send me running OR hurling).

If I had my say-so, Heaven would smell like a bakery! Oh yes, my friends. The smell of breads (perhaps manna bread), and pastries (manna danish, anyone?) and all manna-er of baked deliciousness. Without the poundage, that is.

A girl can only hope.

I think these thoughts whenever I walk into our Mrs. Baird's Bakery Outlet store.

Oh my. That place is a nasal assault waiting to happen. While I love walking in there because of the smells, I hate walking in there at the same time. Whenever I walk in, I begin to repeat to myself, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you, Resist the devil and he will flee from you".

Because we all know that white bread is the devil and refined sugar is his next door neighbor, right?

Somebody give me an Amen!

I pretend I have tunnel vision and can see none of the sugary goodness beckoning my hips lips. I don't see the muffins, chocolate donuts, cherry pies or coffee cake. Nope, they are not there. I simply buy my whole grain bread (and yes, I could make it, but I really need things simple right now), whole wheat english muffins and tortillas and march my fanny out of there as quickly as possible.

Thus, my fanny remains the same size when I do this.

So, the other day when I stopped in for some bread, bagels and english muffins, it was no different than any other trip. Tunnel vision was my friend. I will admit, I longingly looked at the Entenman's Chocolate Donuts for a brief moment and pondered as to whether I could justify them. But in the end, my conscience was victorious and those Sugary Devils stayed upon their Fiery Shelf from Hell!

What I wasn't prepared for was checkout.

Apparently, when one spends over $6 at the outlet, one gets to pick a free item from the Special Shelf. I usually never spend over $6 so I've never before experienced this particular privilege.

What's the Special Shelf, you say?

It is the Den of Iniquity, my friends!!!

It's filled with all manner of white bread and sugary sinfulness! Oh. Yes. It. Is. I wasn't going to take the white bread no matter if it was free or not, so that was not an issue. Then there were the pineapple pies and lemon pies. Ew, gross! Oh yes, I was going to be victorious and partake of NOTHING from the Special Shelf! Even if it was free!

And then I spotted them.

Quietly nestled beneath the pineapple and lemon pies. The little, white, powdery circles of sin. That's when their beckoning began.

"Micheeelllllle. Ohhhhh Micheellllee".

I looked around to see if anyone else heard.

"Me?" I quietly replied.

"Yes you," they mocked. "Come on, take us. No one else has. We're not THAT bad."

"Yes, you are," I loudly whispered. "You are! You ARE!!"

"No we're not. And you know you want us. It won't hurt just this once now, will it?"

I paused. They had a point. I've never taken from the Special Shelf before and it was just this once. I looked around for a moment and what do you think I did?

I popped them puppies into my bag is what I did!! Oh, yes ma'am. I'm nobody's fool when it comes to free donuts! Especially the powdered sugar kind!

Kind of reminds you of Eve in The Garden of Eden, huh?

Except instead of fruit I was deceived by a dang donut!

Blast you, Mrs. Baird!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Can We Say Panic, Boys and Girls?

As you may have noticed by the strange floating baby in my sidebar, I am 30 weeks along in my pregnancy now.

For those that need a breakdown, that would be only...

-10 weeks left


-70 days to go

Or. Because of the fact that I tend to go a little early, this means...


In case you didn't catch on by my flagrant use of CAPS!! and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!, then let me just tell you...

I'm beginning to panic.

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my overworked little brain and SO many things left to do around our house, that it is absolutely maddening.

Thoughts like:

- Where in the world do we put ANOTHER child?
- What in the world are we going to name this child?
- Is it a boy or a girl?
- How does Sarah Palin get her hair to do that?
- Will this baby be posterior like the last one?
- How long will this labor be?
- Can I eat Ding Dongs while in labor?

You know, important thoughts like that.

And as far as getting the house ready, oh my. That's all I can say. Oh. My.

We are refinancing our house - somebody give me a WOOT-WOOT! for lower house payments - and then we quite possibly, maybe, might, sorta kinda start doing some much needed remodeling (new floors, paint, etc..).

Yes, remodeling.

That would be remodeling only 10 SHORT weeks before a new baby is due to arrive. Uh, that would also be remodeling 8 short weeks until Thanksgiving and um, 12 short weeks until Christmas.

Somebody hurt me now.