Wednesday, October 08, 2008


All my troubles seemed so far away.

Or Not.

I was so busy that there was not a moments peace all stinkin' day.

Here was the rundown. Or should I say run around? This is long, so hang on.

- 7:40 AM me and the Hopester wake up

- Sit on the couch for 15 minutes with Hope and Liv trying to convince my body to move.

- Fix breakfast and eat. Cereal. The breakfast of champions.

- Start some laundry.

- Call vet to make appointment for The Beast

- Get Hope dressed and ready for the day. Have the girls get dressed and ready.

-Get myself some clothes together and try to get ready. Tell the girls to watch Hope.

- Dress, make-up, hair, etc... Hear Hope crying. Go to check on Hope. Find girls in living room playing on the piano. No Hope. Hear Hope cry out again. Find Hope ON TOP OF girl's bunk beds with Fat Otis the cat. She was crying to for someone to get her.

- Have nervous breakdown that 14 month old can climb ladder to the TOP of bunk beds. Imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios. Shudder and resume getting ready.

- Read Proverbs 7 to girls. Try to avoid the word "prostitute" so I don't have to explain things. End up having to explain what the boy in Proverbs 7 was doing with a married woman anyway. Oh. My. Word.

- Make mental note as to not read Proverbs 7 to girls again until they are 14.

- Try to squeeze in history before having to be at the vet. The history book cannot be found. We skip history.

- Load the girls into Phil the Suburban.

- Come back and get the 100 lb. Beast and attempt to load him into the back of Phil the Suburban. Not a pretty sight. Quite amusing for passersby, I'm sure.

- Get to vet ON TIME!

- Proceed to get The Beast his shots and find out that he doesn't weigh 100 lbs, after all. He weighs 101.

- Vet says Beast needs to lose 10 lbs., I should bring him back monthly for weight checks. I think to myself, "Lady, I have almost 6 kids. You are a crack monkey if you think I'm coming back here monthly to check the dumb dog's weight". Laugh maniacally. In my head, of course.

- Find out that Labs stay "puppies" for up to 3 years.

- Cry uncontrollably.

- Load up and head home, thankful that I have lived to tell the tale of taking 3 children and a 101 lb dog to the vet, while 8 months pregnant, by myself. I am woman, hear me roar.

- Meow.

- Come home and prepare Costco shopping list. Change diaper and wash "the vet" off of everyone's hands and face.

- Monk checks out for lunch and we proceed, with reckless abandon, to Costco to power shop during his lunch hour.

- Eat Costco pizza at warp speed and proceed to power shop for diapers and chicken and milk, oh my.

- Buy pumpkin pie. Because I can. And it's Fall.

- Finish shopping, buy gas ($3.30 per gallon at only a cost of $72.00 to fill up Phil) and head home.

- Arrive home with sleeping baby. Thank God for small blessings.

- Unload groceries and proceed to put them away.

- Do some school work with girls.

- Lay down for a 20 minute nap before having to go and pick up Madgirl.

- 5 minutes in, have to get up and let in barking dog. Lay back down.

- 10 minutes in, awakened by blood curdling screams. Liv has bloody mouth. Seems she and the swing set had a run in. Wet paper towel and all is well. Lay back down.

- Head hits pillow and Hope starts crying. Cry a little myself.

- Take Hope outside to play with girls while I make plans for dinner.

- Go pick up Madgirl.

- Take Hope and Madgirl to Kroger with me to buy some fruit. And caramel apples. With nuts.

- Sister comes over to drop off Madgirl's orchestra dress.

- Check email on computer.

- Liv runs in yelling Grace's hair is caught in chains of swing. Tell Liv to tell Grace to hold on while I get the camera (relax, I was kidding). Monk intervenes.

- Few minutes pass, Liv runs back in and says he needs back up. I look out the back door and laugh. Sure enough, there she stood, hair wrapped in chains and Monk attempting to get it out.

- Laugh and yell at Madgirl to get the camera. Darn, we missed it anyway. Sis was NOT happy with us.

- Watch Hope play while Monk artfully operates the pooper scooper.

- Monk teases girls while they are swinging, threatening to throw the contents of the pooper scooper at them.

- Grace's foot accidentally hits pooper scooper and poop showers descend upon Monk's head.

- Laugh hysterically.

- Begin dinner.

- Feed Hope noodles, carrots and corn while pork chops finish cooking.

- Sweep kitchen floor

- Finish dinner and sit down to eat with 10 minutes before Madgirl has to leave for her orchestra concert.

- Monk drops her off while I get ready.

- Drive to orchestra concert.

- Run into former chiropractor. Awkward chit chat and uncomfortable silence ensues.

- Sit down in comfy seat and sigh. Alone, at last.

- Get very sleepy and begin to have the blasted Braxton Hicks contractions. One or twelve. I lost count.

- Control deep desire to smack the lady and her kid behind me. 10 or 11 year old boy who can't manage to quit tapping his pencil while the orchestra plays.

- Listen to concert, get the Madgirl and go to the bank and then Starbucks ( the Pumpkin Lattes are here!!)

- Go home and begin to wash dishes and clean kitchen from dinner.

- Stop to pay bills online.

- End up writing this never ending blogpost.

And that was my day, y'all. I was pooped. Still am.

So, we're going to have a relaxing day today.

We're going to the Texas State Fair. (whimpering)

Think about me today as I eat all manner of junk. Things like hand dipped Fletcher's Corny Dogs, Tater Twisters, Chicken Fried Bacon (that's for Monk) and deep fried Snicker bars. I'll be walking a lot, so it's all good.

(Just don't tell my midwife, please. I'm supposed to be upping my protein intake. Hey, corn dogs have protein, okay? And the nuts in the deep fried Snicker bar is protein too!)

Y'all have a great day! I know we're going to and hopefully, I'll have some fun pictures to share!

(Not as funny as dog poop showering Monk's head, but good ones nonetheless!)


Shelly said...

Have fun at the fair! We're going on Friday when my friend comes in town to visit. And let me know how the fried bacon is.

Keri said...

This might be the funniest blog I've read so far. HILARIOUS.

Sorry about the Beast. Somehow I feel responsible. Lol.

Lizardbreath said...

It's so sad it's funny. Totally feeling your pain on the trying to get a nap.

sherian said...

imaging Monk with poop on his head is ALMOST as funny as the bark collar!