As some of you remember, news broke last Friday of the horrific crime committed at the Monk home. Over the weekend the victim was identified as:
Ballerina Barbie - She was a well-known ballet instructor and mentor to Kelly. Kelly, who is at this time a pre-teen and full of the usual pre-teen angst, is of course devastated and could not be reached for comment.
The Momma Police put together a line up over the weekend and the list of suspects are as follows:
Harley the Beast - A juvenile offender with an extensive rap sheet that includes crimes such as:
- couch chewing
and multiple citations for excessive barking and jumping on strangers.
Color - Chocolate brown
Weight - 101 lbs.
Age - 1 year
Gigi the Gray - a small time offender with an penchant for chewing cords to electronic devices, specifically iPod varieties. Crimes are:
- chewing multiple ear bud wires (approximately 12 offenses)
- chewing multiple computer cords (approximately 4 offenses)
- knocking over water glasses in the wee hours of the night
- general hatefulness
Color - Gray
Weight - 7 lbs.
Age - 3.5 years
Pepper the Ronni - another small time offender with an addiction to illegal substances. Crimes are:
- trash digging
- ingesting "tootsie rolls" from the cat litter box
- illegal consumption of dirty diapers
- small time bark offender
Color - Black
Weight - 46 lbs
Age - 9 years
Fat Otis the Goat - Also known as: Bloatis, Goatis and Fat Boy. Crimes are:
- Excessive drinking from strangers water glasses
- Attempted drinking of milk from cereal bowls
- general laziness
Color - Black, gray and brown tiger stripe
Weight - Do you really want to know?
Age - 6 years
Livvy the Louse - another big time offender with a long rap sheet. Crimes are:
- rope fetish
- writing other people's names on walls
- proficient in binding and gagging victims
- general mayhem and disobedience
- multiple noise violations
Color -lovely peach
Weight - 40 lbs
Age - 5 years
Here's the twist in the story. We are asking for the public's help in identifying the perpetrator. We realize this is highly scientific and completely legal, so please, feel free to cast your vote.
Who do YOU think committed this heinous crime?