T.G.I.F.....B.M.H.I.C.H.

What? You don't understand that last part? It's simple.

Thank Goodness It's Friday....Because MY HUBBY IS COMING HOME!!! (Emphasis my own, of course!)

I am SO happy that that man's flight will land in approximately 4 hours! Woo-hoo! I need my other half...my better half....the half that makes me happy. And... I need someone else who will change poopy diapers.

There is one word for this week... Whew! And if you don't count that as a word then I'll just say...Exhausting. I had to chuckle (or laugh maniacally) at my BabyCenter.com 34 week update the other day. It said now was the time for me to preserve my energy and rest. Labor was hard work and I would need all the energy I could get. HA!

Apparently this is referring to new mothers because there in no rest to be had in this household. Especially when one parent is in...oh...let's say...CHICAGO!

It has not been a good week, specifically for pacifiers or feet. Obscure? Yes. But true.

First pacifier was fished from the toilet (hey, that's not as bad as her toothbrush she put in there the next morning) and while sitting in the sink waiting to be sterilized, somehow ended up in the garbage disposal. And then the garbage disposal was turned on. It was mangled, but still reasonably usable. And, we still had one more.

Until Harley decided he needed that pacifier. It too, was mangled yet still usable. So tell me, which paci would you put in your baby's mouth?

The toilet one or the dog chewed one? We did both. Can you tell she's the fifth child?

And then the feet issue. I'll just list what happened.

-Liv acquired various stickers in her feet while playing outside barefooted. (Have I mentioned the temps have crept back to the low 80's?) She did get one that produced about one angstrom of blood and required immediate medical assistance which included Neosporin and a Barbie Band-Aid. Because Barbie makes it all better, don't ya know.

-Hope got her foot caught in between two railroad ties in the backyard. She screamed and Madgirl rescued her, but not before Liv attempted to pull it out with sheer brute force. There was no blood in this incident, but it did require the Momma, a pink blankie and a pacifier. A mangled one.

-I was in the garage the other night trying to find who-knows-what when a relatively large fake fern in a bamboo-ish container fell on my bare foot. (I most certainly did NOT yell anything questionable at this point, either) I heard a popping noise when it happened and was certain I had broken yet, another toe. It swelled, turned a violent shade of blue and purple (a lovely shade of which it remains today) and hurt like the dickens. So much for a pedicure. No blood or Barbie Band-Aids were involved.

And the one that almost required a trip to the emergency room...

-Sis was outside barefooted (have you noticed a family trait here?), when blood curdling screams ensued. I did not budge as blood curdling screams occur often around here (often for naught). Liv came in screaming that Grace (Sis) had a nail stuck "ALL THE WAY" in her foot. This caught my curiosity and I decided I'd better check it out.

Thank goodness My Boy was over and he had picked her and was putting her on the kitchen table (because that is where all meals and surgeries take place in our home). Sure enough there was something, resembling a nail, "ALL THE WAY" in her foot. Just not straight in. It had pierced, long ways, through her top layer of skin (think of when you were a kid and you would put needles through your skin - or was I the only weird one who did that?). It was not, however, a nail. Whew! No emergency room and no tetanus. But this meant Momma was going to perform "surgery"!

It was in fact about a one inch piece of wood that strongly resembled a nail. While The Boy distracted, I tried to pull it out. This was met with loud screams and it was then that I knew it would have to be cut out. I proceeded to sterilize a razor blade and tweezers, grabbed the hydrogen peroxide and found the Purple Teddy for the patient Sis.

Approximately 5 minutes later, with minimal wailing and gnashing of teeth and My Boy assisting as my nurse, the piece of wood was out of her foot. More hydrogen peroxide was applied, as well as....you guessed it! Neosporin and a Barbie Band-Aid.

Upon finishing Band-Aid apply-age, my patient Sis looked at me in awe and said,

"Momma, you are the most amazing person with a pair a tweezers that I have ever known."

And there you have it, folks. I AM amazing. With tweezers. We just won't tell her a razor blade was involved as well, okay?

And that, my friends, was only the highlights of the week.

Now you all know why I so desperately want my husband, my best friend, ANOTHER ADULT, to be home today.

Because, you know, his foot hasn't been injured as of yet.