Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Watch Out For the Mayonnaise

So tonight after Wednesday evening services I'm having another fast food craving. Last time it was Taco Bueno with not so good results. Tonight it was Whataburger. For those of you non-Southern folk, Whataburger is one of the most incredible mouthfuls of deliciousness you will ever experience. Yes, it is fast food, but they make their artery clogging goodness hot and fresh, with melt-in-your-mouth results.

We didn't want to eat full meals so Monk and I split a burger and fries while Madgirl, Sis and Liv split a 3 piece Chicken Tender meal (on which there is a delicious bread coating and served with a side of gravy goodness and a piece of Texas toast). Once home, we split up the meals accordingly.

Monk, God love him, has a certain propensity for...how shall I say this?

Dripping food down the front of him every time he eats a cotton-pickin' meal! He has truly ascended to new levels in the art form of splooging all over his shirt. What can I say...it's a gift and a curse.

Well tonight, Baby Girl was being her fussy, nobody's-gonna-please-me self. My Monk, being the gracious husband and father that he is, offered to hold her so I might be able to partake of a hot meal (which by the way is a rarity - I'm telling you the child has some sort of Hot Food Sensor chip and begins to wail the moment I attempt to take a bite). So, Monk is holding Baby Girl on one knee with one hand while eating with the other hand.

The man is nothing if not talented.

Anyhoo, while chewing my simply delicious bite of burger I look over to see that he's managed to mess himself (in the upper body sense of the phrase) once again. He is nothing if not consistent people. I let him know that he's dripped some form of mayonnaise/mustard mixture onto the front of his shirt. Being the classy sort of guy he is, he simply takes his finger, swipes it up and puts it in his mouth.

Something I forgot to mention about Whataburger, y'all....they don't put mayonnaise on their burgers.

This was not a mayonnaise/mustard combination.

This was a Pumpkin Pear baby food/breast milk/spit up combination.

OH YES HE DID!

The man ate baby spit up tonight!

Things get a little blurry at this point because once he realized that he actually ate baby spit up and I saw the look on his face...well, let's just say that I nearly lost consciousness from lack of oxygen due to laughter. Or rather loud guffaws. Loud, raucous, guffawing laughter. I'm sure you get the drift.

You've never seen a man dive for a Coca~Cola faster in your life! He then began to shovel french fries, slathered in ketchup into his mouth with tremendous speed and agility.

It was priceless, really.

Almost as good as the time he tried out the Bark Collar.

I give him credit though. Had he done this a mere five years ago, he would have been in the bathroom dry heaving his toenails. I still would have been laughing raucously and blogging about it, but a little concerned nonetheless.

The man has come a long way.

But I don't think he'll ever lick another thing off his shirt again.

Nope. Just wouldn't be prudent.

8 comments:

Jedi Miller said...

See it's carelessness like this that can end you up with a wet cracker...

Btw Whataburger has on their window
one nation UNDER GOD...
I like the fact that they made the under God part very big and red.

Yum Whataburger is great!!!!

Anonymous said...

Michelle,

This is too funny!!!

Oh, how I miss my Texas whataburger with NO mayonnaise! Nope, they don't have these up here in Yankee territory, only ketchup/mayonnaise sauce for fries....eeewwww! LOL Another reason not to eat out here!

~Rosa

Shelly said...

Oh, I'm soooo grossed out right now! Bleh!

By the way, I actually prefer mayo & no ketchup or mustard on my burgers. It's the best way to eat a Whataburger bacon cheeseburger! Yum!

Anonymous said...

Okay, after getting called in @ 4:30 this morning and then working one hell-acious 12 hour shift, I thought I would literally pee my pants when I read this....leave it up to Monk to wake me up with another one of his famous no-that's-not-brown-mustard-dear antics.

Love T.

Sarah said...

That made me laugh out loud. Then I started to gag b/c just the thought of it is so disgusting. Add this one to the list of things you never did bf you had kids....

Elisa said...

haha. Thats hilarious! Just like him too. :)

mindi said...

That is SOOOO gross!! But I had to laugh, too. Blechhhh!

Michelle said...

Jed,
Huh? What wet cracker?

Rosa,
When you get back to Texas I will personally take you to Whataburger for a big, fat hamburger! My treat!

Shell,
Ken thinks no burger should contain mayonnaise.

T.
Sorry I caused the bladder to splatter!

Sarah,
So true. Monk would have just curled up and surely died a few years ago had this happened.

Elisa,
What're you doin' you little punk!

Mindi,
Gross, but hilariously funny and highly postable!