Thursday, March 05, 2009

Milk and Bread ~ for My New Restaurant

After a great Care Group meeting at our home last night, Monk and I realized rather late that we didn't have much milk. With this group of unruly hooligans little girls we knew we would have to have some milk by morning or the chances of a throwdown at the breakfast table would be almost certain.

(Unfortunately, they are addicted to cold cereal. A bad habit started early on that has been impossible to break)

So this morning I was at Kroger by 8:30 am. An amazing accomplishment for me these days. I needed 2 (TWO!!) items: milk and cat food. The cat's gotta eat too, ya know.

I walk in and grab a cart because I know me and I know better than to NOT get a cart. I immediately remember that we are low on fruit so I go and grab some basics: organic bananas, green grapes and a bag of apples. Good thing I grabbed the cart.

Madgirl had expressed a desire for a certain type of bakery roll to make some sandwiches for her lunch, so I pick up a bag of rolls. My memory is then jogged that I needed some Ezekiel bread, so I go and grab a loaf of that. No milk OR catfood at this point.

After a few other odds and ends and grabbing the bag of cat food I finally make it to the milk case. I grabbed two gallons of milk. I should have walked away at this point, but as usual, I did not. Since I can eat dairy and chocolate again (in small amounts and yes, I forgot to post about it ~ just know that I can, okay?), for some unknown reason I've been craving those two things together ~ in the form of chocolate milk. So I grab quart of chocolate milk.

(at this point I will NOT admit that right there in the middle of the dairy aisle at Kroger I proceeded to open up that puppy and take a GIANT swig!)

Then I remember the Lemon Poppyseed muffins I want to make require buttermilk, so I grab some buttermilk. Then I spied some 1/2 gallons of milk marked down to 75 cents a 1/2 gallon (I KNOW!) and I grabbed two of those, which in hindsight I realize I should have grabbed about four to six! I blame my lack of judgement on the fact that the only thing in my system at this point was the chocolate milk that I had just thrown down and I must have been in some sugar rush stupor! That or I'm just dumb. Both are a viable possibility.

At that moment I turn around to leave only to see the bakery lady FILLING the day old bread cart. Well, my natural Carbohydrate Loving Fat Cells can smell the gluten, thereby taking over my body in some Exorcist sort of fashion, forcing me against my will, to go look upon the unnatural white bread goodness bad stuff. Y'all remember the last time I went to the bakery store, don't you??

Well, my head starts to spin and I start grabbing sub rolls marked down to 79 cents so I can make meatballs subs! Then I grab the wheat rolls for sandwiches! And just about the time I start trying to chuck 4 packs of cinnamon rolls into my cart I had a Supernatural Healing and was released from my Carbohydrate Bondage! That and the bakery lady was looking at me all weird like.

I'm now starting to think it may have been my chocolate milk mustache.

Anyway at this point my cart contains:

- 2 gallons of milk
- 2 1/2 gallons of milk
- 1 quart of buttermilk
- 1 quart of open chocolate milk

- 1 bag of bakery rolls
- 1 loaf of Ezekiel bread ( because I WILL be healthy!)
- 2 bags of sub rolls
- 1 bag of wheat rolls
- 1 package of Tostada shells

refried beans, taco sauce, catfood, natural deodorant and fruit

I proceed to the checkout lie...the cashier asks,

"Do you run a restaurant?"

Me: "Huh?"

Her: "Do you run a restaurant?" (nodding her head towards the bread and milk)

Me: Long pause....

Me: "Uh...Nope. We're just pigs."

Conversation over. Apparently her Stupid Question quota for the day had been met.

And I left with my milk and bread to go home to my restaurant family.


Lizardbreath said...

See you did show some got a cart.

Jo said...

ha ha ha. Love it.

ps my husband is once again asking for the blue cheese/buffalo chicken dip. We have created a monster!


Jennifer said...

LOL!! Maybe she thought it was a cat restuarant since you had cat food, too?! Good grief.

sherian said...

What? No picture of the cashier asking the stupid question? LOL
Pretty funny!!!

Christine said...

I love it! You are so funny! Isn't is frustrating when a trip for one or two items becomes a costly trip? I wish it didn't happen to me so often! ;)

mindi said...

Sounds like me :) I actually like shopping with all of the kids for the simple reason I want out of the store as QUICKLY as possible, so I don't buy near as much!!

Carla said...

You lead the most interesting life!

Reese's Pieces said...

ha! you had me laughing out loud on this one! i love your answer to the stupid question! haha! oh, and i would have taken the cinnamon rolls!

Meghan said...

So, you seriously WIN as the best story teller EVER! If i tried to tell that exact could hear crickets, you tell a story about Milk and Bread, and im giggling out loud! Im glad I know you! See you this weekend!!

Stephanie said...

Oh my goodness, I almost woke my husband up laughing at your response. That's great.

Reese's Pieces said...

By the way, I'll have you know that you got me craving carbs when I read your post on Friday night and then read your previous bread store post. I raided my pantry and all I could come up with was some waffles! haha! So then I went to Dunkin Donuts on Saturday for my craving! Just thought I'd share!