Friday, March 13, 2009

Hold On to Yer Panties Folks! We're Goin' for a Ride on the Bi-Polar Express

Oh. My. Word. I'm at it again.

Contemplating, pondering, deciding, worrying. You know....thinking. It's one of those things I don't do often, but boy howdy, when I do you'd better watch out! Somebody could get hurt.

I'm in one of those pickles of life (you know what a pickle is, don't ya? The in betweens..) and just trying to make decisions is making my brain hurt. Or perhaps explode. Not that it would matter anyway because at the moment it is pretty much mush. I need the contemplating, pondering, deciding and worrying to stop. In general, I just don't wanna have to think.

Just ask Monk, I'm not a good decision maker. I can't even decide between Ding Dongs and Twinkies most days, much less the Big Things of life. Okay, Ding Dongs. That was a bad example.


So what am I contemplating, pondering, deciding and worrying about? Would you like the exhaustive list or just the highlights? Yea. That's what I thought.

1. This blog
2. Homeschooling
3. My hair color
4. The state of my house
5. My age
6. Deep spiritual thoughts and questions
7. Photoshop
8. The economy (not really, it just makes me sound sorta smart)
9. Computer time
10. Food in general and its affect on my Mommy Muffin

The whole blog thing has me in a dither because I keep wondering if I should keep it going. I absolutely LOVE to write and I intended for this to be an online journal for my children or grandchildren (Lord, help me) some day so they could see just what a crazy old lady I truly was/am/is/are.

Now, I wish I could say that there was some sort of collective air suckage out there that occurred upon the mention of me possibly giving up the whole blog adventure. But...I know better. Honestly, I could slip quietly away from blogdom and it really wouldn't matter a whole heck of a lot. If I were, say Boomama, there might be a small coup with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Quite possibly an intervention from President Obama, himself. Or Paula Deen. But me? Not so much.

But. (Have y'all ever heard the saying "Everything before the but(t) is bologna"?) Well.

I love to write. Plain and simple. It's my outlet and these days, trust me, I need (NEED!) an outlet. I just need to quit putting so much emphasis on what people are thinking. Stop trying to be validated through my blog, you know? If I feel compelled to share the story of breast milk squirting onto my computer screen and keyboard while nursing Charlotte (gives a whole new meaning to surfing the web, I assure you!), then I need to go with it. It's Who. I. Am.

It took a long time for me to be able to realize that it was okay to just be me on this blog. I looked around, saw what others were doing and tried to imitate it. Not me. Didn't work. Now I'm comfortable in my own skin (just wish it were size 8 skin), but I still worry about what others think or if I've offended someone or if my grammar is correct

( I really do worry about grammar, y'all. I am not making that up. And my grammar is off quite a bit. I truly don't know how I ever passed Mr. Farrah's 12th grade AP English class.)

Anyway, that's where I am. Did you get off the Bi-Polar Express at the last stop? Obviously not if you're still reading. You shoulda stopped at the title, I'm tellin' ya.

Look there, I didn't even cover numbers 2-6. Actually, #3 is being taken care of this morning. I've called Marinelle (Mary -Nell...isn't that adorable?) and she will be performing her Hair Coloring Genius on me at 10 am. Before y'all have even had your third cup of coffee. Pictures to come. (Do you suppose it to be a bad thing to get a cut and color on Friday the 13th??)

I guess I'll have to save the other Great Ponderings 'o Life for another post. Too bad, huh? ::snort!::

(Welp, technically I've touched on #9 because I'm up at midnight writing this thing!)

But for now? I blog.

Y'all have a great weekend!


Reese's Pieces said...

Oh, no no no. You can't NOT blog!(how's that for grammar!?) I love reading your outlet. You are hilarious and I can relate to you! And, I love your hair. :) Want to hear about your other ponderings, too. Let us know how your hair appt. goes! Btw, how much does your sweet hair lady charge for color?

JB and Cindy said...

Yes, I agree w/ Denise... If you didn't blog what would I ever waste my "should be sleeping while baby is sleeping!" time on?! Keep it up, please!!

Lizardbreath said...

Alright girly, it is definately time for some girlfriend time. I'll call you after your color is done.

Anonymous said...

Please oh puleeezzzz don't stop. Your my inspiration at 5am. I get up and the first thing I do is read your blog. I don't always comment but you make me laugh, aaaand now I say things like "Don't be gittin all up in my koolaid girlfriend" because of you, even though you stole it from Reba, and now I stole it from you, and everybody thinks it's funny!! (I think I just got on the BP Express with you)!

Jill said...

Ok, I am now exhaling from my huge GASP when you said you thought about not blogging!!! I am now breathing at a slightly rapid normal rate. How could you not blog? I don't get here every day, but I try at least 3 times per week so I can laugh/smile/ooh/ahhh/and even sympathize while I read the blog of a very dear friend who has the exact same problems as me (only times know, you with 6 kids and me with 2)....anyway, I miss you in person, but at least this way I can keep up with what is going on in your life. PLEASE don't EVER contemplate not blogging again! There, now my breath has completely returned to normal. Keep on bloggin!

Jennifer said...

I would dearly miss your blog! You make me laugh and I LOVE seeing pictures of your beautiful girls. I don't think you're bipolar (if I did, that would mean I am too!!!).
I have to "censor" myself a bit on my blog, just b/c it's pretty much just my family that reads it so I can't be complaining about my mother-in-law or my whacky grandpa...ya know?! (not that I would do either of things anyway!! ahem).
I don't know who Boomama is (I think I heard you gasp), but I would miss you more than her! :)
I also would love to laugh at your "surfing" story...!!

Katie said...

I would so totally be disappointed if you took your blog down. I LOVE it! And I LOVE hearing your stories about whatever you're compelled to talk about. I really like your humor - I get it.

Jessie's Girls said...

Since you are so honest on your blog, I know we have no cause to worry that you will ever stop ;).

I know I'm a little like Sally Field when it comes to my blog too.

amy in NY said...

Don't stop now! I just shared your blog with six of my best friends and we LOVE you! Your like a friend I've never met. I just had my "4th at 40" and I love the hysterical insights from another "older" ha ha mom! Keep it up. You love the Lord and your family and you let it show girl!

Reese's Pieces said...

why, yes, I did buy that outfit at Target! haha! LOVE that place!

Anonymous said...

You've taught me a lot thru the years. For instance the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit. How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store. Real gravy don't come from the store. When "by and by" is and last but not least...the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash. You cant quit now, I still have lots to learn.

Christine said...

I love that you blog! Your blog is so fun! Keep it up, missy! Don't disappoint your future grandchildren...and us! ;)