Oh. My. Word. I'm at it again.
Contemplating, pondering, deciding, worrying. You know....thinking. It's one of those things I don't do often, but boy howdy, when I do you'd better watch out! Somebody could get hurt.
I'm in one of those pickles of life (you know what a pickle is, don't ya? The in betweens..) and just trying to make decisions is making my brain hurt. Or perhaps explode. Not that it would matter anyway because at the moment it is pretty much mush. I need the contemplating, pondering, deciding and worrying to stop. In general, I just don't wanna have to think.
Just ask Monk, I'm not a good decision maker. I can't even decide between Ding Dongs and Twinkies most days, much less the Big Things of life. Okay, Ding Dongs. That was a bad example.
So what am I contemplating, pondering, deciding and worrying about? Would you like the exhaustive list or just the highlights? Yea. That's what I thought.
1. This blog
3. My hair color
4. The state of my house
5. My age
6. Deep spiritual thoughts and questions
8. The economy (not really, it just makes me sound sorta smart)
9. Computer time
10. Food in general and its affect on my Mommy Muffin
The whole blog thing has me in a dither because I keep wondering if I should keep it going. I absolutely LOVE to write and I intended for this to be an online journal for my children or grandchildren (Lord, help me) some day so they could see just what a crazy old lady I truly was/am/is/are.
Now, I wish I could say that there was some sort of collective air suckage out there that occurred upon the mention of me possibly giving up the whole blog adventure. But...I know better. Honestly, I could slip quietly away from blogdom and it really wouldn't matter a whole heck of a lot. If I were, say Boomama, there might be a small coup with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Quite possibly an intervention from President Obama, himself. Or Paula Deen. But me? Not so much.
But. (Have y'all ever heard the saying "Everything before the but(t) is bologna"?) Well.
I love to write. Plain and simple. It's my outlet and these days, trust me, I need (NEED!) an outlet. I just need to quit putting so much emphasis on what people are thinking. Stop trying to be validated through my blog, you know? If I feel compelled to share the story of breast milk squirting onto my computer screen and keyboard while nursing Charlotte (gives a whole new meaning to surfing the web, I assure you!), then I need to go with it. It's Who. I. Am.
It took a long time for me to be able to realize that it was okay to just be me on this blog. I looked around, saw what others were doing and tried to imitate it. Not me. Didn't work. Now I'm comfortable in my own skin (just wish it were size 8 skin), but I still worry about what others think or if I've offended someone or if my grammar is correct
( I really do worry about grammar, y'all. I am not making that up. And my grammar is off quite a bit. I truly don't know how I ever passed Mr. Farrah's 12th grade AP English class.)
Anyway, that's where I am. Did you get off the Bi-Polar Express at the last stop? Obviously not if you're still reading. You shoulda stopped at the title, I'm tellin' ya.
Look there, I didn't even cover numbers 2-6. Actually, #3 is being taken care of this morning. I've called Marinelle (Mary -Nell...isn't that adorable?) and she will be performing her Hair Coloring Genius on me at 10 am. Before y'all have even had your third cup of coffee. Pictures to come. (Do you suppose it to be a bad thing to get a cut and color on Friday the 13th??)
I guess I'll have to save the other Great Ponderings 'o Life for another post. Too bad, huh? ::snort!::
(Welp, technically I've touched on #9 because I'm up at midnight writing this thing!)
But for now? I blog.
Y'all have a great weekend!