Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The Devil Yoga Update - Week 5

So I succumbed and went back to yoga last night.

I paid for 7 classes and 7 classes I shall complete. But not nary a one after 7. No way.

Somebody needs to give me some props for going to class in a torrential downpour as well. I debated turning around several times just because of the rain and traffic, but it was y'all that kept me going. Why in the world you people like the yoga updates is beyond me.

Apparently, y'all like stories of my personal embarrassment and torture. Go figure.

In spite of the rain, I wasn't late this time. The teacher was actually a little behind and so I had myself plopped propped in a yoga prone position, looking very yoga-ish if I do say so myself, by the time class started.

The teacher couldn't get the music to work properly, so we had to just go without the ethereal yoga tunes. This is where we all sigh a collective, "awwwwww". Or if your me, you whoop and holler while doin' the Cabbage Patch. Silently in my head, of course. I did, however, offer to chant and hum for the class, but the yoga teacher declined for some reason. Hmpf.

She also couldn't find her little tinkling bells. I was highly amused by this. I'm not sure what roll the little tinkling bells actually play, but all I can think of when she pulls them out is kindergarten. When my teacher Mrs. Parrot, with the bright red lipstick, would have music time we would all practically kill to be the one to play the little tinkling bells. He who tinkled the bells ruled. But the yoga bells - not so much.

Interestingly enough, the yoga bells aren't the only thing tinkling during class.

I'm just sayin'.

She immediately started class with the breathing. The breathing doesn't bother me that much anymore because now I just, you know.... breath. I mean really, how can you mess up breathing? And then she continued with the whole "find your cool breath" thing again. This is usually puzzling to me and frankly, quite annoying. How does one make their breath cool?

However, I got one over on her this week. I sucked on a mint right before class, so my breath was nice and cool. Oh yeah. And ever so pepperminty too! Finding your cool breath is never more than a peppermint away, y'all. Just so you know.

And really. When I'm in labor, do y'all really think I'm gonna get all worked up about finding my cool breath? I can see it now. Me throwing myself from the birth ball onto the bed and bellowing to my midwife, "I can't transition now, I haven't found my cool breath yet!".

Um, no.

I didn't balk at closing my eyes this week either. Mostly because I am so stinkin' tired that it actually felt good to close my eyes. And I didn't automatically start thinking about food or if I looked fat. I did, however, keep yawning, which was probably indicative of my boredom as well as my exhaustion. I tried to stop, but no amount of oxygen to my brain or cool breath was going to stop the yawn. Remember, I've already hit The Wall.

As we came to a standing position, she informed us that we would be going into that wretched Goddess pose. She looked at me, the one with the weak "pelvic floor", and informed me that I could just go and do the sitting position against the wall.

I was not to be undone, however.

Come pee or high water, I was going to do that dang Goddess pose just like the rest of the class! And I did! Of course, I felt as if the baby would surely fall out onto my maroon yoga mat no sooner than we had finished, but by golly, I was not the class weakling.

She then said we were going to squat.

At that point I admitted I was the class weakling and chose to sit against the wall in the butterfly position.

Choose your battles people, choose your battles.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that on Sunday I made a Sausage, Bean and Sauerkraut dish. I ate 3 bowls. Beans and sauerkraut are two things one should really never eat before a yoga class that involves pelvic tilts and squatting. Don't tell me I have a weak pelvic floor! Ahem.

When all was said and done, I survived another class. I didn't take things quite so seriously this week. After all, there are no winners in yoga. Maybe a few losers, but definitely no winners. I wasn't nearly as self conscious this week as in previous weeks and that was because there was only one uber fit pregnant girl in the class this time.

I chose to go to my happy place and ignore her.

And that's it. That concludes the Devil Yoga Update for week 5.

What ever will I write about when I finish these classes? Five weeks down and two more torturous classes to go.

But who's counting.

1 comment:

the now in college having a wonderful time but missing your girls like crazy, Elisa said...

haha this is the best yoga update ever im pretty sure.