Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day 3 - Just Kill Me Now...

Today is the end of Day 3. I hated it. I hated every cotton pickin' last minute of it. Why?

Well for one, I had the most horrendous headache of my entire life for most of the day. It was like someone had my head in a vice and just squeezing all day long. I was not a happy person, my friends. As a matter of fact, I was just downright mean. I was absolutely going crazy with pain and Lord help anybody who got in my way. Monk was pretty smart and just tried to lay low and acknowledge me with grunts and hand signals. The kids just stayed in the other room and tried to ignore my ranting. It was a fairly ugly situation.

Then I texted my friend Cindy. I begged her to tell me I could take a Tylenol, an Advil ... a 5th of Vodka. ANYTHING!! Seriously. I just needed some relief from this headache. She told to try and sip a little unsweet tea to sea if that would help. I hate unsweet tea, y'all. But you know what? I did it. And guess what? About six sips of unsweet tea and a little bit of chicken breast took that headache right away. Holla! You've never seen a happier momma.

Well, except if she had a cheeseburger and a Coke .... she'd be really happy then.

Today has just been crap. I usually don't use that word on my blog as I really don't want to offend anyone, but I just can't help it. I'm miserable and I don't want to do this anymore and crap is the only word that seems appropriate. I mean, what was I thinking? 21 DAYS?? REALLY? Birthing a child doesn't even take 21 days!

I guess I'm just mad. Mad that I let myself get in the position where I need to do something like this. Mad that I can't have what I want. Mad that what I want is a cheeseburger and a Coke. Mad that I spent money on this. Mad that I sound like an ungrateful sin wad who can't be thankful to see an opportunity to get healthy.

But mostly I'm just mad because I want to quit. I hate quitting anything and yet here I am. I'm tired, my head is throbbing again and I just don't want to care anymore.

But I do.

And so I will just go to bed and pray that tomorrow is a better day. Pray that the visual assaults I see while driving in the form of advertisements, billboards and restaurants, just won't get to me. Pray that I won't gag when trying to choke down yet another shake/smoothie/gag-me-with-a-spoon drink. Pray that I can get through another day even if it means hour by hour, minute by minute and moment by moment. Pray that the stupid headache will go away. Pray that I won't want a bowl of cereal in the morning. Pray that my unnatural love for the Ding Dong would be replaced by the more natural love for the ... eh .... carrot.

Because I could cheat. I could SO cheat. I have plenty of things in my kitchen rightthisverysecond with which I could cheat. Namely this....

Cleanse Day 2-5

See! I'm healthy! It's organic for crying out loud! And do you see the price on it?!?! Do you?! I got it for HALF it's normal price!! And I can't even eat it.

When I showed it to the girls their little eyes lit up and they bared their little Piranha-like teeth and I just looked at them and said, "Seriously? You seriously think I'm going to give you my chocolate? My Green & Black's Organic Chocolate? That I only paid $1.72 for?". And I promptly placed it upon the shelf to act as some trophy or prize I've yet to attain.

*Note to self: Eat ALL chocolate in house BEFORE starting a 21 day cleanse.

So I could cheat. I really could. But I'm not going to. At least not today.

Hopefully I can say that tomorrow as well. And the next day .... and the next day ... and the...


Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

You want to quit but you're not! You want to cheat but you're not! You ate the stinkin' carrot, girl!

You're going to make it. You are. I believe in you!

Today is going to be better. And tomorrow too.




Jennifer said...

Wow. That's all I have to say. You are AWESOME!