Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Really Now..

In light of the current Pork Pandemic the world is experiencing, aka H1N1, Swine Flu, Pig Flu or Soo-ey Sickness (the last one is of my own creation..), I have done lots of my own research in the last week to determine at what level of alarm I should be. If any at all.

I have found lots of information that is somewhat over the top, teetering on the brink of fear mongering. (Okay, not teetering ~ it's completely fear mongering) I have also found other information that could quite possibly be considered flippant, condescending and somewhat offensive in humorless circles.

Where am I?

Well. Considering that over 2,000 children die every day with Malaria, Swine Flu isn't exactly at the top of my Pandemic-O-Meter. I have been convinced that I should be no more alarmed by it than I am during regular flu season. Which pretty much means lots of hand washing, avoiding the obvious germ infested places and pumping me and my children full of extra Vitamin C and Echinacea.

Besides, who wants to hate bacon?

That was my thinking until I stumbled upon something that made me think twice about my Porky Position (and no, I'm not referring to my unnatural affection for Parmesan Garlic Thin Crisps. Although they are definitely doing a spectacular job on my waistline!)

I fear that I may have been a little hasty in my decision to not take this whole Swine thing a little more seriously. I think you will all agree with me after I introduce you to Dr. Alan Hay, Director of the World Influenza Centre and Swine Flu aficionado...

I believe the Swine Flu origins could be traced to this man's eyebrows.
Who knows what disease may be lying dormant beneath his brow hair.

These eyebrows evoke so many questions within me. Such as:

1.Does he feel the need to shampoo them? And does he Lather, Rinse and Repeat?

2.Does his wife really find these an attractive physical quality in him?

3.Do they impede his vision ever.

But none more vexing than this one last question within me....

4.Do you think he and Susan Boyle are long lost brother and sister??

(Watch how you cross them fingers now, Miss Susan... Just sayin'..)


Elisabeth said...

Lol do you shampoo them?! haha

Sarah R said...

I never gave you permission to post my picture before I wax, Michelle. That's not cool AT ALL.

Shelly said...

Glad to hear you're not freaking out like the rest of the world seems to.

Angela said...

What's the cure for swine flu? Oinkment!

TheMadMonk said...

Okay, I'll let you do something about my eyebrows. I've seen the future and I am fearful.

Jennifer said...

How can anybody actually LIVE with eyebrows like that?!? That's scary. Just take some clippers and save off 3"!!! Yuck!
HA! my word verification is "an itch"!!!

Christine said...

lol! I think you are on to something. Alert the CDC! ;)