Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Sights and Sounds He Fears

So my Monk is a very low key guy. Since the day I met him (that fateful night long ago) he has never been high maintenance. Complicated somewhat, (because of his near genius intelligence that speaks waaaay over my head, confounding my little pea brain and driving me to the dictionary every 2.4 seconds) but never high maintenance.

(Ironically, I am both high maintenance and complicated. And I assure you, my complicatedness is NOT out of my genius.)


Not much can get his goat. It just doesn't. He used to drive me crazy with his calm, insouciant attitude towards things. Something horrible would happen and I would go to him all worked up and he would utter the words that would send me to the moon! An example would go something like this:

Me: Honey!!! Honey! !!! (hysterically crying) The washer malfunctioned, leading to an electrical short that electrocuted the cat and ,blew the dryer out, ruining an entire load of the children's clothes! We have six children with NO washer or dryer, no clothes for them and a dead cat!!

Him: It is what it is.

(This was a fictional example. No small animals, children's clothing or large appliances were injured in the writing of this blog post. Thank you. ~ The Management)

Oh, how I wanted to choke him for that phrase! It just incensed me to no end when he would say that. But through the years that little adage quit bugging me so much and in the end I even began to repeat it. That happens in marriage, you know. You start to become your spouse. Frightening really.

But after 10+ years together I have learned there are certain phrases and sights that do frighten my Monk. Things that send fear shooting through him. Things that make him want to scream like a little girl (and trust me, he knows those screams). Here they are in particular order:

- the sight of me sitting in front of the computer with my bank card out.

- Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses

- the phrase, "It's a Girl!"

- the sight of his babies growing up

- Barbie's Mariposa

- me announcing, "my mom's coming to town for a few weeks."

- me starting a sentence with, "Now don't be mad, but...". (Those "buts" get mine in more trouble!)

- Barbie Swan Lake

- two words... "I'm. Late."

and finally, the phrase that sends fear straight to his heart...

- "Honey, I'm going to Target."

Lord help him. Especially because of that last one.


TheMadMonk said...

How nice. You managed to incorporate all my phobias into a single post. I think I'll go have some therapy.

Michelle said...

No baby, not all your phobias. I didn't mention the Yeti!

Little Loveys Mom said...

lollllllll i think the HONEY I'M GOING TO TARGET makes all me cry!
love it

Lizardbreath said...

For what were you late?

Michelle said...


Think abouy what "I'm late" means in monthly terms. :-o