Tuesday, November 29, 2005

This Journey

Because our journey to Reforming is relatively new (maybe 2 years) I spend alot of time separating the way I have believed for 30 or so odd years and the way I believe now. We all have our "sacred cows" and I'm no exception. It has been difficult and freeing all at the same time. Lately I've been pondering over the changes that has taken place in my life in the last few years and was amazed by what I found.

For the first time ever, I really think about the way I worship. During worship I am constantly chiding myself to stay focused and truly worship and glean from what I'm hearing. I want to hear the message. I want to apply it to my life. I want to sing not just the hymn, but relish in its text. I enjoy singing Psalms...who would have ever thought it?

For the first time ever, I actually have a hunger to know more. I'm hungering for God. Wow, it still seems so amazing to me. I want to search scripture more and I want to pray more (both of these areas still need more work). At times I get overwhelmed and start to think I'm a failure. Then my sweet hubby
reminds me that God's mercies are new every day (Lam.3:22-23). I cling to that scripture and realize that I'm nothing but filthy rags and only by God's grace can I claim those mercies.

For the first time ever I want to raise my children differently. This has been one of those harder moments. My older ones (12 & 14) have their "sacred cows" as well. Family worship was not a thrilling idea to them. The mini-Monks (2 &5) are growing up amidst all of this and embrace it as the norm.
I want my children to not just know and understand what they believe, but to live what they believe. I'm hoping that because of the changes my husband and I have made in our lives and what we believe that it will live out its legacy in our children for generations to come.
I will confess that I'm sometimes jealous of Reformed folk who've lived this way since before they were married. I think of how much better and easier it would have been to have raised my children like this from the beginning. Then I stop and ask myself if I'm questioning God's Providential hand in all of this. You see, The Mad Monk and I both came from broken homes. When we reflect back on our lives we see just how amazing God's Providence has been in our lives. The way in which I left Michigan to move here and how we actually met is a blog chapter in itself. But it dawned on me that our family's history of faith will start with us! How wonderful is that! A multi-generational legacy is not a bad trade for a sometimes difficult journey now.

I am blessed beyond measure. As I grow in grace and sactification I praise God that He has chosen me for this journey.

Joh 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you

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