And I don't know quite how to feel about it.
Her birth story is here, here and here, so you can read of her amazing beginning to see how it all began. But today? While I'm rejoicing in my sweet little girl, I'm a little sad as well. How come, why for?
Well. She's not 1 anymore. I'll never, ever, ever, ever get to have a 1 year old Hope ever again. That year is gone. And while I'm happy and thankful for every day with Hope (as with all my children) it just seems to get harder, as I get older, to watch them grow up. My Boy will be 18 in two short months, so I know all about this whole time fleeting thing.
It's a bummer.
I wanted to get some pictures of her last night so I would have official documentation of exactly how she looked the day before her 2nd birthday. It didn't go as planned. She was grouchy and whiny and just wanting her daddy.
I pulled out the Birthday Tutu thinking I could coax out her inner girly girl and hoping for an attitude adjustment. She wasn't buying it. I moped. I then put the tutu on Charlotte and tried to play the jealousy card. Nope ~ she wasn't born yesterday and I should have known better than to encourage jealousy. Bad Momma.
Then all of sudden...::blink of an eye::...she decided she wanted to wear it. On her terms. As usual. Oh I fretted here and there and all about, y'all. She simply couldn't look like that for her 2 year old birthday photo that was going on the blog! I couldn't have it! No shirt, birthday tutu pulled up under her armpits, hair hanging in her eyeballs and that blasted pacifier stuffed firmly in her mouth.
Then I smiled. It was her. That's her. That's my Hopey. Day in and day out. She's not prissy, she's not super girly... shoot, she's downright crabby most days, so this mood fit her perfectly.
And here she is...MY perfectly disheveled, lovable Hope... wearing the birthday tutu on her terms...
This little girl is a smart one. And she gets the best of this Momma sometimes. God gave me Hope to teach me more patience. I'm failing miserably.
Last evenings events reminded me of her birth.
When I look back at her birth, the first word that comes to mind is intense. Her birth was very intense. My water was broke for 38 hours before I actually went into labor with her. Again, her terms. Then, when I did go into labor we found out a few hours in that she was posterior. Difficult and intense.
(When I think of a good word to describe Hope ~ intense comes to mind!)
Then God's grace abounded and she was born! Oh! The joy in that single moment! And the pain and intensity and difficulty passed away and I forgot.
(Well, not completely. Posterior babies are not something you totally forget. But I mostly forgot. :) )
That's how most days are with Hope. She can be difficult and taxing and more than likely on my very last nerve, then all of sudden, something will happen and God's grace will abound. She will smile, giggle or do one of her crazy antics ~ even just watching her sleep ~ all of these things make me forget.
I forget all of her irritations and I'm just thankful. Thankful that I have her here with me, healthy and whole. Thankful that God chose me to be her mother. Just thankful that I have her.
When I was putting this post together she was
Then it hit me. She was crying because she was tired...stumbling tired....BUT...she needed ME. Plain and simple. Just me. I went and got her and she snuggled up next to me, with her hiney in the air, and fell asleep. Just. Like. That.
I looked at her long and hard and then you know what I did?
Happy Birthday my precious Hope. July 15, 2007 will always be one of the best days of my life! I love you.