Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Me and My Evil Plan to Rip Off Wal-Mart

Okay, not really. But it was how they made me feel.

Monk and I went grocery shopping on Saturday, December 1st (this is important, really.) at our great, low price leader. I usually try and NOT go on Saturday, but due to our trip North and 157 other things going on last week, alas, it was the only day to go.

(I had planned on shopping Friday, November 30th, still important, but things went amok and that is why Saturday it was.)

So, on the way to the store I was sorting out all of my coupons that I had gathered together a few days prior to our shopping extravaganza. One of the reasons I don't like shopping on Saturday is because of using coupons. I know they hold up the line, so I really do try to be at least a little organized and courteous of the other shoppers. Another reason I didn't want to go this particular Saturday was because it was going to be a humdinger of a shopping trip simply because we had n-o-t-h-i-n-g to eat after being gone for so long.

Anyway, I am nothing if not completely meticulous (read: neurotic) in the checkout line concerning how I load my groceries on the belt (all cold items together, all canned goods together, etc... Why oh why can I not be this neurotic meticulous concerning my house?). This too, helps speed things along and is convenient for the checker.

After the lady rang my groceries I handed her my neat pile of coupons. I had two particular transactions that called for a buy a particular item and get a particular item free. I saved these for last so she wouldn't have to go digging through the receipt. I am the picture of courtesy while grocery shopping, am I not? So, she struggled through the first buy one get one and then right as she finished the second one, all of the sudden she exclaims, "This one's expired!".

Oh? It had expired the day before. November 30th. The day I was supposed to go grocery shopping. I had neglected to take it out of the pile because I just plain forgot.

She thrust the coupon back at me. I apologized and looked at Monk and said, "I was supposed to have come yesterday and I forgot to take this one out." He nodded. She frantically began pushing buttons to take off the now not-so-free box of Kandoo wipes. Even though they weren't free, out of courtesy, I still kept them.

Next thing I know she thrusts another one at me. "This one is expired too!" November 30th again. Again, I apologize. She then finds one more. Blast you Cascade Dishwasher Soap and Swiss Miss Pudding!

By this time I'm shifting on my feet because this woman is making me feel like I am a con artist of epic proportions. I had casually tried to explain about meaning to shop the day before, but uh-uh. Nope. She was gonna have NONE of that.

My eyes darted back and forth because I just knew the Wal-Mart Coupon Police would be there to arrest me at any time. I was sweating profusely as she continued through the pile, hoping and praying that I hadn't left any other offending coupons in there.

Thankfully, I was clean.

Okay y'all, let me just mention the total amount for which I was made to feel like a thief over.....


That's it. I was going to break Wal-Mart with $3.45.

I'll try not to mention the fact that I spent, including groceries and Christmas shopping, over $300.

Needless to say, Wal-Mart is on my not-so-nice list right now. Oh alright, I'd rather gouge my eye out with a hot fire poker than go there on a Saturday again!

Because as we all know....I might just have to take them for $3.50 the next time. Me and my evil ways, y'all. Me and my evil ways.

1 comment:

mindi said...

You are too funny. Usually wal-mart accepts expired coupons. The cashier must have been feeling extra snarky that day . . .